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February 15, 2013

Comments

Paul Chalson

Hi Craig, looks good but "good" and "flood" don't rhyme in the Eastern States (not sure about the SA accent)- I like edgy lyrics though was unsure about "enemy" and have been unsuccessfully trying to come up with an alt. Also torn between the promise unmaking and restoring but kinda go for the unmaking. Anyeay, as I said, looks good -so sad not to be there

margie goodluck


Hi Craig,
your song sounds good....wat a wonderful event to be a part of....thanks for sharing your journey with us....

one suggestion I wish to offer for first line 3rd verse.......
"Be the promise that remakes us?"

Enjoy the rest of your visit to Canberra.

xx margie

craigmitchell

thanks, really helpful comments. Paul, surely you're not tied into such a tight kind of rhyming? I gave that up years ago. too few things rhyme with "ood"...

Ian O'Reilly

How about 'challenge' rather than 'enemy'? Or 'strength'?

craigmitchell

Final verse became...

Be the sacrifice that breaks us
Be the shelter in the flood
Be the promise that remakes us
Be the parent who is good

now to write a tune!

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