effective parenting

i've started writing for devo'zine again. the article that I've just finished mentions dr. thomas gordon's notion of "I-messages" as a way of resolving conflict peacefully.

i first came across his "Parent Effectivesness Training" book as part of my children's & youth ministry training at Alcorn College in the early 1980's.

his website has some excellent free parent resources and school teacher resources. well worth a visit.

Gordon was a student of Carl Rogers, from whom he says he gleaned the following principles for 'group-centred leadership'.

• Leadership is a set of functions that are the property of the group and should be "distributed" to group members.
• The most effective leader is one who creates the conditions by which s/he will give up the typical leadership role and become more of a group member. Consequently, group members will then carry out some of the functions of the leader.
• Group problems require "participative group problem-solving."
• Leaders should create the conditions in which all the members feel safe to communicate their ideas and feelings.
• Group-centered leaders need to set a model of attending to others by using "reflection of feelings and meanings" or "empathic listening," the principal skill used by client-centered therapists.
• Group-centered leaders must convey "acceptance of the members' communication."

This is a nice corrective to some of the more hierarchincal models of leadership that seem to be floating around. More on this in my forthcoming post about communicative theologies.