The Raising of Lazarus - John 11
Characters – Jesus, Lazarus, Lazarus’ Mother, Martha, Mary, Bystander, Simeon (Lazarus’ younger brother), Undertaker
Jesus: Lazarus! Come on out of there!
Mother: Oh my goodness!
Martha: Surely it’s not possible.
Jesus: Lazarus, I said come out of there.
Lazarus: Oh my aching head! That was some party! Hey, wait a minute! Where am I?
Mother: He always was hard to get out of bed in the mornings. Lazarus Heschel, you come out right this minute!
Lazarus: Mum? Mum? What’s going on? I’m...coming.... It’s hard to move.... Why am I all wrapped up?
Martha: Look Mother. It’s Lazarus. He’s alive. It’s a miracle!
Mary: (kneels before Jesus) Lord, I should have believed you. Forgive me.
Bystander: But Jesus, how did you do it?
Jesus: (shrugs humbly) Hey.
Mother: My son, my son.... (goes to hug him). Ooh Lazarus. You smell terrible. How many times have I told you to wash properly?
Martha: Mum, give him a break. He’s been dead for four days.
Lazarus: Dead? What do you mean ‘dead’? You mean like ‘arrgh’ (pretends to die).
Mary: Hey, stop that. You’ll give us all a fright. Don’t you remember you got really sick and had sores all over your body.
Lazarus: Oh yeah. Then I went to sleep. Here, give me a hand with these bandages.
Martha: (goes to help him). Yuk. You do smell terrible. And these bandages are revolting. I’m not going to touch him.
Mother: Lazarus. Why don’t you clean yourself up a bit first. We don’t want you messing up our new lounge suite.
Lazarus: I don’t believe this. You mean I was dead, and now I’m alive, and you’re worried about the furniture!
Simeon: Mum bought it with the money she’d saved for your university fees.
Mary: Simeon, go and give your big brother a hand, will you.
Simeon: Oh alright. But don’t expect to get your room back.
Lazarus: My room! What do you mean? What’s happened to my room?
Simeon: I got your room, and your whole Roman toy soldier collection.
Lazarus: What! I don’t believe it!
Mother: Well, son. We thought you were dead, you see. I don’t think we can ask Simeon to move back now. It would hurt his feelings. Perhaps it would be best if you slept in the shed for a while. The odour really is terrible.
Lazarus: The shed! Come on now! This isn’t fair.
Martha: Complain, complain. That’s all you ever used to do. Only thinking about yourself. It’s funny how when people are gone you only remember the nice things about them
Mary: You’re really being a bit difficult about all this, brother. We were quite used to the idea that you were dead.
Undertaker: Excuse me.
Mother: Just wait a minute will you. Can’t you see we’re busy?
Lazarus: This is unbelievable! I thought you’d be glad to see me!
Mother: We are dear! It’s just that...
Undertaker: Excuse me. Who’s in charge here?
Mother: Who are you? And why do you want to know?
Undertaker: I’m from Hepzibah’s Funeral Parlour. I’ve got the bill here for a funeral for a Mr. Lazarus Heschel. Who do I give it to?
Others: (pointing at Lazarus) Him!